Diaries of an Emotionally Drained Sports Fan

The two most beautiful things in life that can also kill you: love and playoff overtime hockey.

Being a sports fan is exhausting.

Well, let me specify — being a Bay Area sports fan is exhausting. Well at least right now it is.

It’s almost a sneaky little case of “Be Careful What You Wish For” with me. I’ve been a huge sports fan my entire life, but I have yet to see my team win a championship. I’ve yet to feel that incredible sensation being a fan of a champion (the Giants don’t count, although I did a pretty good job of faking being a Giants fan the two years they won the World Series). I have been dreaming of the day when my teams can finally escape irrelevancy  and futility and field a semi-decent, semi-competitve team. I wanted this, I truly did. But I never knew the kind of toll it would take on me.

At this moment in time, two of my teams have made it to the second round of the playoffs. Both the Warriors and the Sharks are currently in the middle of their championship run. As much as it’s exhilarating and enthralling, it is also physically and emotionally draining.

Assorted Weekday Thoughts Round 1

The best.

Hooray, they’re back! While not quite assorted “weekend” thoughts, it’s still the same gist. A post dedicated to all the random thoughts that are currently going through my head regarding anything and everything in the sports world.

Ohhh boy — it’s a lot.

• Just finished watching the Sharks shut down the Canucks in game 1 of the Stanley Cup Playoffs. Now you know why myself and every other intelligent and knowledgeable Sharks fan out there weren’t that distraught when they lost to the Kings in the season finale. It’s because we got to play THIS Vancouver Canucks team. Not the dominant, seemingly unbeatable Canucks team in 2011 (that unfairly won our series due to a stanchion that came out of nowhere. And still fuck you, Kevin Bieksa. I mean, seriously though.) This Canucks team does not scare me. Not one bit.
• Even though they’re not as dominant, I still hate them with a passion. The cheap shots and thuggery were abundant and deliberate. I’ve already motioned to revoke Ryan Kesler’s American citizenship status. My homie Obama is on it. Lapierre is still the same punk he’s always been, and the Sisters can stop crying after every whistle. And don’t even get me started on Alex Burrows. He continues to be public enemy number 1 in my book.
• Technology amazes me. During the game, a random Facebook chat was started amongst 7 different people in 4 different geographic regions: East Bay, San Jose, San Diego and Vancouver. Mind you, initially,the conversation was not about the game. But I knew nearly every single person in the chat was tuned into the game. So without any context whatsoever, in the middle of the conversation, I mentioned something along the lines of “fuck the Canucks.” And from there, it went into a full-blown conversation about how Logan Couture looks like a beaver, Joe Thornton has no heart, Lapierre is a fucker, Kesler is a bad american, Torres is a serial offender, and Alex Burrows sucks at life. Every single one of those comments had a part in the chat (okay, well maybe not the last one, but to be fair, it’s true). This was awesome. Love being able to group trash talk without even being in the same place, let alone same country.
• Dikembe Mutombo’s GEICO commercial is currently my favorite thing in the world right now. NOT IN MY HOUSE!
• I am back at Roaracle tonight for Game 6, the close-out game. Let’s just say, my game 3 experience was enthralling. It’s nearly a week later, and my voice is still not completely back. At times, I sound like Bea Arthur. Other times, I sound like an adolescent, frustrated teenage boy whose voice squeaks during puberty. So bizarre. Talk to me in person if you want the full effect. You’ll chuckle.
• So about Kenneth Faried intentionally going after Steph’s ankle...and Javale McGee complaining about dirty plays. First of all, McGee, shut the fuck up. You’re garbage. There’s no need for the Warriors to play dirty against you because you suck. Second of all, I’m not so sure I completely buy into Faried intentionally targeting Steph’s ankle to throw him off his game, but I do know they were considerably more physical with Steph in game 5. All I know is that Mark Jackson bringing it up during his post-game presser was 100% deliberate because now during game 6, the officials are going to start looking for it. It’ll be interesting to see what they call, and if it affects the game of either team.
• I’ve heard this from numerous people, but I think it’s fascinating topic to explore (which I probably will elaborate more on in a future post) — but somehow, every time Steph Curry hits a 3-pointer, it has the same effect on the crowd and audience as a Lebron or Blake dunk. Hearing the noise through the television doesn’t quite do the reaction of the crowd justice. Well, actually, if you ever get a chance to make it to the Bay Area during Warrior season, you definitely need to make a game at Oracle. If you’re like me and your alma mater was not a Division I school, you probably never had the real, true college sports experience. Warrior games at Oracle are the closest people like me are going to get to having a real true college sports experience. That’s how incredibly raucous and passionate the fanbase is.
• I’ve been reading that the long drawn out “Waaaaaarrrioorrrs” chant that goes on during games is quite new. It’s funny because I’ve always thought that was part of Warrior games (I’ve been to plenty). But I also think it may be me mixing up my sports because that’s pretty much a staple of Raider games — “RAAAIIIIDDDEEERRSSS. ” Regardless, if the chant is new, I’m 99% positive it’s Raider fans who started it.

It’s an amazing time to be a Bay Area sports fan right now. So much going on, and so much to look forward to. It’s about time the best part of California starts experiencing real sports success now. It’s about damn time.

TO ALL THE NON-BELIEVERS, TO ALL THE NON-BELIEVERS, ESPECIALLY YOU TOM JACKSON!

Welcome to Roaracle, bitch.

Look who’s back from the dead. I never went away, I was always still here. I was just waiting to see if you missed me. Did you miss my crazy, vulgar, and awesomely hilarious ramblings about the shenanigans in the sports world?

What am I thinking, of course you did, silly goose!* Well here I am. I’m back. I’ll try not to leave ever again. Promise. As long as you promise not to leave me.

*Tangential thought here: I hate geese. Now, back to the blog…

I never have regrets. At least, that’s what I tell myself. It’s kind of pointless to live life with regrets, and it just puts unnecessary stress on you. I’m a student of the “learn from your mistakes” school of thought. It’s basically acknowledging you were an idiot, but having the strength to move past and let it go.

However, if there is one thing I do regret…one little thing, it’s that I didn’t manage to make it to a playoff game during the Warriors 2007 “We Believe” playoff run (insert “first world problems” hashtag here). I had chances to go, but I was also in college. I don’t remember what my excuse was — maybe I had to study, maybe I didn’t have a ride, or maybe  I was just too fuckin broke to justify dropping $200+ for a ticket to a game.

It doesn’t really matter what the reason was. The only thing that mattered was that I was a moron. Because that was the season the Warriors beat the Dallas Mavericks in a huge upset and sent the Bay Area into a complete tizzy. This place was in a state of euphoria for an entire two weeks during that series, and seriously one of the most exciting times in sports I’ve ever experienced.

Assorted Weekend Thoughts Part 2: Back with a Vengeance

This has nothing to do with this post. It just says WWE Vengeance. And that’s about it. Carry on.

Back when I actually maintained this blog at a good rate, I used to do these “Assorted Weekend Thoughts” posts, which basically served as just another example of how lazy I was. When I couldn’t find time or get all my thoughts into one good post, I would mush them into one big post as semi-decent half-baked thoughts.

But at least they were something right?

Without further ado, here are my Assorted Weekend Thoughts Part 2: Back with a Vengeance:

• Do not ask me how my fantasy teams are doing. I think I’ve fell out of favor with the fantasy gods or something, or otherwise, I’m positive I’ve been cursed by some evil witch who’s probably a Niners fan or Patriots fan and basks in delight when I’m miserable. But you tell me, how is it possible that a team that boasts Aaron Rodgers, Julio Jones, Wes Welker, Adrian Peterson, Michael Turner, Mike Wallace and Aaron Hernandez dead LAST in the league? You read that right — LAST. I’ll tell you how — my team is the ONLY team to have lost a game by FRACTIONAL points. And not just one game, TWO games. That’s right, I’ve lost TWO GAMES by less than 1 point. I’m destined to fantasy hell for the rest of my life. I need to repent.
• I’m coming to terms with the fact that it’s probably going to be the Niners versus the Patriots in the Superbowl, aka Raider fans’ worst nightmare. I’m also coming to terms with the fact that I’m probably going to have to cheer for the Patriots. I’m also coming to terms with the fact that I’m probably gonna burn in hell. (I’m already there though, so what does it matter?)
• The NHL can kiss my ass. I hate hockey.
• I went to an ECHL (minor league hockey) SF Bulls game the other day to hang out with all the other displaced hockey fans in the Bay Area. What a unique experience. No one knows who the players are, so everyone just gets really drunk and acts a fool. I’m pretty sure their “hype man” wasn’t anyone they hired on staff. They just found the drunkest guy in the crowd, gave him a bunch of t-shirts and said “Here, get the crowd hyped! Do what you gotta do!” So what did he do? This big, fat white dude started dancing. White people dancing is funny. And then he started choking people. For fun, of course, but maybe too close to a lawsuit? I was laughing at the hilarity of the situation, but at the same time it was a little disturbing. The dancing, not the choking.
• No one really wore an SF Bulls sweater. People were just wearing random ones for the sake of being acknowledged/standing out. I wore my Joe Pavelski Wisconsin Badgers sweater. Yup, I have a legit Joe Pavelski Badgers sweater. This random guy actually came up to me and said, “Badgers? Badgers? Wisconsin? I went there.” I responded, “Oh really? Cool. I didn’t. But Joe Pavelski did!” I felt so cool.
• I miss hockey. I’m going back to the homeland (aka Canada) in a couple of weeks just so I can wallow in misery with my extended family.
• My Ricky Rubio obsession is getting out of control. First of all, the kid hasn’t even played this year, but I’m counting down the days til his return to the hardwood. I was at work the other day and randomly decided to look up Ricky Rubio highlights. It was just, a random thought in my head. I’ve also googled “Ricky Rubio Injury” multiple times. He started practicing last week, so it’s only a matter of time before we get to see Ricky on the court again. Can I get a “HELL YEAH?!”
• His commercial is hilarious. Well, not really. I was actually pretty surprised he even has a commercial. Endorsement deals already? I swear, when he blows up, and his fan base starts to grow, and everyone finally recognizes the awesomeness that is Ricky Rubio, keep in mind that I was an original. I liked him from the beginning*.
• On a less random obsession, I am also completely enamored with the Warriors’ new rookie Harrison Barnes. I’m am so confident that he’s going to blossom into a star in this league that I actually bought his jersey already. He can be a little bit more aggressive towards the basket, and I’d like to see him be a little more physical more specifically on defense. But otherwise, his rebounding skills are impressive, and his shot will become more consistent with time. I feel like a proud mama every time he has a good game, especially when he was churning out double-doubles like a boss and when he does stuff like this. But mainly because I’ve been his champion ever since the Warriors selected him at the draft. I sure know how to pick ‘em.
• The Warriors are currently the Pacific Division Leaders. Give that a chance to settle in for a second there, will ya. Can you screenshot this page and this sentence so we know this was actually real? At the beginning of December, the Golden State Warriors are Pacific Division Leaders. Ain’t that somethin’?

*This is a lie, as I firmly illustrated here.

And there they are. My thoughts for the weekend. Curiously missing from this post are my favorite football team. They’re dead to me. Like the WWF.

You’re killin’ me: An NHL Lockout Rant

(It was only a matter of time before this post was made.) I hate the NHL.

Is the NHL Lockout still going on?

I mean, seriously, is the NHL Lockout still going on? Does anyone care at this point?

The real question is why do I still care about the NHL when they don’t give a shit about me. When they’re the ones that are fucking it up for everyone else, fucking it up for people like me.

It’s crazy how quickly hockey became part of my life. To be quite frank, I just recently gave hockey a real chance, within the last 3 years (give or take a few). Sure, there are some San Jose Sharks moments that stand out to me prior to the last 3 years, like the crazy Evgeni Nabokov save against Dallas, or the insane penalty kill versus Edmonton in the playoffs when a 5-on-3 basically turned into a 5-on-1 minus two sticks. Oh man, I don’t think I’ve ever seen a Sharks PK that impressive — ever.

So yeah, I’ve had my moments where I gave hockey a semi-chance, but I never gave it a legitimate chance until a few years ago. I can’t pinpoint the exact moment I changed my mind, and I don’t know exactly what changed. And why it changed as quickly as it did. All I know is once I opened myself up to the beautiful game on ice, I fell IN LOVE. And I fell hard.

Replace Yo’ Self Foo!

Even in Internet memes, hockey gets no respect. SMH

Let me tell you a little story…

As per usual, during NFL season, my Sundays consist of morning football, afternoon football, and Sunday Night football. And then, of course, the next day, Monday Night football. Needless to say, football rules the beginning of my weeks pretty hardcore.

This weekend, while in my normal routine, I had the gall to say something so incredibly blasphemous, that even I’m embarrassed to admit it.

I was watching the morning games with some peeps, and I casually said, “You know — I haven’t really noticed the replacement officials at all.”

***pause for the ensuing laughter***

I know right? Yes, I really said that.

The funny thing is that this past weekend, their errors were so ridiculously glaring that the real NFL officials finally ended their lockout yesterday.

But the even funnier thing is that I only really noticed those horrendous errors this weekend, as well.

But hold up, hold up, hold up — before you start to question my football IQ and my sports credibility, let me get a chance to explain myself.

Fantasy Football Draft Series – Day 3

WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS? I think only football addicts can truly work their way around this console. Proud football addict.

About 2 weeks ago, my co-worker comes into the office and says, “This weekend, I participated in my first ever auction draft.”

“Oh yeah,” we said, “How’d it go?”

He replied, “It changed my life.”

Draft Day 3: The Insignificant Others 

I had always wanted to participate in an auction draft, and when it was proposed at my job that we start a work league and do an auction draft, I was 100% on-board.

I knew what an auction draft was, but I wasn’t quite sure how it worked. I can snake draft like no other (hmm…kinda dirty? no?), but when it came to the auction, I was pretty much in the dark. But so were the other 10 people in our 12 people league. The only person that knew what occurred during an auction draft was my co-worker who’s life it changed, who happens to be the commissioner of the league. And if you don’t know how it works, click here to find out.

But I was excited. I was irrationally excited. My strategy (per the advice from one of my friends) involved setting a dollar limit for each position, and then depending on what I spent for a player at that position, subtract money from other positions so I made sure I had enough money left over for the rest of the team. Yeah, that strategy lasted a full…uhm, 2 minutes. And then I realized what a shit storm an auction draft actually is. Actually, I was also told ahead of time that the best strategy is to have no strategy. I think I’m going to follow that next time.

In my previous two drafts, I had drafted a top flight QB (Aaron Rodgers) and a top-5 RB (Darren McFadden…though, I had the chance at another top flight QB, but well, his name is Tom Brady. And fuck that guy*.) So in this auction, I decided to put most of my money into both — a top flight QB and RB. And most of my money means nearly $130 on two players. But you would too if those two players were named LeSean McCoy and Drew mother fuckin Brees, right?

*You know, many people tell me that my downfall in playing fantasy sports is my inability to separate my personal feelings from actual logic. And really, my personal feelings only come into play when it comes to drafting either 49ers or the pansy I mentioned above. Otherwise, I think I’m pretty rational (says the 7-year vet who has yet to make the playoffs…)

While yes, McCoy and Brees are damn good top picks, I was also able to acquire Wes Welker and Aaron Hernandez (See! I can be unbiased! I picked Patriots!) However, I realized I spent about 3/4s of my funds on 4 out of 15 players. Yes, I had about $40 bucks to draft a whopping 11 players. Some may say I put myself in a pickle there, but I say, it just gave me a chance to prove how ridiculously awesome my football knowledge is and show that I can build a solid team with limited funds, which I did masterfully.

At this point, part of my strategy involved nominating players I didn’t want (aka 49ers) knowing full well that someone else would want them because I had to find a way to drain their funds. Once I was able to get them around the same playing field as me, I started nominating players I wanted again.

So as you see, when it comes to fantasy football, I can come off as cocky and conceited and arrogant at times, but you know what I say it is? Just a bit of gamesmanship. Apparently, I played up the gamesmanship card a little too much prior to the draft as some of the rookies got scared by my bravado. Like, literally scared. They were afraid to talk to me about the draft because I would drop the whole “I’m not telling you my strategy or who I’m drafting,” along with the occasional “Yeah, you should totally draft Tim Tebow. He’s a great fantasy player.” But you know what I said to them? Suck it, up. This is fantasy sports here. That’s what you’re supposed to do. If you can’t take the heat, get out the kitchen. Yeah, so I also may get a little competitive when it comes to this game…maybe just a little?

Anywho, the best part of the draft had to be when Roddy White was up for nomination. He’s a solid fantasy player, many will call him a top flight WR (I disagree, but whatever)…he’s solid. I didn’t put in a bid for him, but I watched all the bidding happen. It was at $30, then $31, then $32, then $33…

Then $125. (Our budget was $200.)

Yes, I kid you not. Someone bid $125 for Roddy White. This was not one of the rookies, mind you. This was someone that knew what they were doing. He was on speaker phone and we heard him drop a fatty f-bomb.

“What are you doing?” someone mentions.

“I didn’t mean to do that. I meant to bid $36.”

“Then how’d you get to $125?”

We’ll never know.

In a moment of hilarity, he gets Roddy White on his team for $125 because he can’t take back his bid. And in an even more hilarious moment, I look at his roster, and he has a whopping 2 players on his team. Granted, the other player in addition to White is the all too crazy Megatron, Calvin Johnson himself. But he also only had $13 left — for 13 players.

So what have we learned here kids?

1. Your strategy basically goes to crap once the auction starts. There’s no use in having one.
2. A little gamesmanship is never a bad thing. In fact, it’s part of the game. Just don’t over-do it and be a douche….yuuuuupppp! My advice: just learn how to dish it. If you can’t, then what are you doing playing fantasy football?
3. Drafting Roddy White for $125 is probably not the dumbest thing ever in the history of fantasy auctions, but I’m sure it’s at least top 3.
4. If you’re a serious fantasy football player, you MUST participate in an auction draft at some point. Like my co-worker said originally — it will change your life. It changed mine.

And that concludes my 3-day fantasy draft series. I know this is like a week late, but ya know what? The NFL starts today! So this is still relevant! This is completely relevant to the time. I would say I did it on purpose (I really didn’t) but I did it on purpose because I’m smart like that.

Go football. Go Raiders. Go all 3 of my fantasy teams. Let’s do this!